Speak your mind - [NEW VAC EDITION]

One thing I have zero tolerance for is people being rude to cosplayers on the basis of skin color. And it breaks my heart to see people say they're afraid to cosplay a character they love due to fear of racist comments from rude people who need to understand that cosplay is a hobby that should be inclusive of EVERYONE. They're fictional characters in the first place, so I don't ever want to hear that someone's skin is "too dark" to cosplay a certain character.

@ladystardust I see. That makes sense. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me!

Why is it that every time I record, our nosy, loud, rude neighbor kids always decide to play outside and scream bloody murder? Then there's the helicopters. :/

Might I recommend this?   This is the one I made!   (You'll have to fish through the comment section to find the dimensions though. Also, put a roof on the booth; the diference is markedly improved!)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-aBlRIZ8Ks

(Part 2 ) www.youtube.com/watch?v=ia1Ih8E6Ofk

Not looking for tough love responses or generalized uplifting responses along the lines of "it gets better," but I'm not in a good place emotionally or mentally right now and I really feel the need to vent.

It's been six months since the New Year and I haven't been able to pursue any of my New Years Resolutions (Getting consistent acting coach/classes and getting a demo reel made). I know I'm at a point in my career path where I'm in desperate need of acting courses/coaching if I want to make it to the next level(professional demo reel) but I haven't been able to afford it for eight to nine months after my wife quit her retail job. We were optimistic that she'd find another job that wasn't retail or service but it panned out to be untrue. We were living on savings and my $10/hr full time job, so I knew I'd have to put off this voice acting thing while we got our life together. She finally got a job at a call center in November and it was such a relief - I can finally start saving up for training. It'd be slow but I could do it.

My wife would come home drained and sometimes in tears. It was a healthcare call center and people would call in all the time with sob stories. She wanted to help them but couldn't do anything. As someone who wants to help and care for people, she felt helpless and brought that darkness home with her. In about February/March, I sucked it up and encouraged her to quit her job. So she did. I'd just have to drop the savings for training again. It was okay. I had a job that could keep us afloat, but even that was wearing down my patience.

My job changed my schedule to accommodate staffing changes. My regular shift was 2AM-11:30AM Wed/Thurs/Fri/Sat/Sun before the New Year, but because we didn't have another person in the same position as mine, mine was changed to 2AM-11:30AM Wed/Thurs/Fri, and 5AM-9AM/5PM-7PM/9PM-11PM Sat/Sun so I could fill in for the evening shift. This whacked my sleeping schedule... except I never adapted to one ever since being moved to the morning shift. In addition to that, my performance quality couldn't keep up with all the changes the new management wanted to implement. After the first warning, I put this pressure on myself to do better - so I could keep the job, so I could keep my wife and I afloat while she looked for another job. I was warned a second time late April and feared termination... so I buckled and put in my two weeks. Better to quit than to be fired, I thought. So that night, I broke down. Failure. That was all on my mind. I failed my wife. I failed myself. Our home is now a sinking ship.

I transferred everything I had in my training savings. We have about two months of living expenses now while we look for jobs. I'm desperate to find a Graphic Design job in Dallas that would take me but I've received at most two responses, one leading to an interview and the other, a rejection. I can only assume that the other applications were passed over for any number of reasons. Some of which could include I live an hour and a half away from Dallas (despite expressing my desire to relocate), my lack of a graphic design degree (despite freelancing for the past five years), or the lack of variety in my graphic design portfolio (which admittedly, only contains work for anime conventions). I really want to work in Dallas, but every day I check my email for responses that are probably not going to come, whether it be voice acting related or work related, and sigh in disappointment. If I don't get a job offer by the end of the month, I may have to resort to apply for retail or something here in Waco.

I'm filled with a lot of anxiety, worry, and fear. I know my wife is trying her best to find a job but every time I see her on Gaia Online or Skyping with her friends, I feel this irrational anger, as if I was blaming her for our troubles. I know I shouldn't. I do things to distract myself too, but the things I used to do for pleasure provide little of it anymore.

As far as voice acting goes, I wish I could say I'm back at square one but it honestly feels like ten steps back. I know doing this VO thing isn't a good full-time/primary job and I can't pursue it without a stable financial position. This holding pattern where I know what I need to do next but don't have the means to do it is suffocating. I've been gasping for air for the past eight months. I know there are free resources to learn more about the industry and acting. I don't know where I am acting-wise without a coach and now the gratification I used to get from listening to interviews on VO Buzz Weekly or Voice Acting Mastery Field Report is depreciating. All these professionals talking about things that I can't even put into practice is frustrating and not nearly as inspirational as it used to be. I listened to an interview that was a little more idealistic than the average interview and... well, it upset me. I don't recall why exactly, but I remember a lot of "follow your dreams" kind of saying-isms being thrown around.

Advice on "following your dreams" is a dime a dozen. The one that keeps coming to mind is "there is nothing stopping you." Is it true? Really? Am I the cause of all my problems? Is it so simple? Why do I feel so guilty?

Sorry for the pipebomb post. I don't expect anything practical to come out of this but I needed to vent and didn't know where to go. I know what I need to do but it's really dark in this hole I'm in.

edit: Also I have a lot of angst in my music playlists. Hmm.

peterjiangvo, no tough love or generalized uplifting responses here except to say you're in an incredibly tight spot. I've only been there once, and I've lived in mortal fear of it ever since. If you can believe it, my entire fallback plan during the period my wife and I were both unemployed was to sell everything we owned at a garage sale, throw what was left in our car, and work on a ranch out in Llano for room and board while we figured the rest out. I came about three weeks away from having to put that into action when I finally landed a job. She got one a couple of months later.

Job hunting blows. If you look at it objectively, it's a whole series of people saying "We don't want you" followed by one person saying "We'll give you a chance". It's entirely reasonable for you to feel the the things you're feeling. Don't punish yourself for being human.

The only advice I can give you is to treat the job hunt like an eight hour a day job. Get up in the morning and hit every company on your list: resumes, applications, face-to-face meetings with the receptionist to drop off your materials, etc. When you've finished that, hit every job site, newspaper want ads, etc. and make your new list for the next day. At the end of your eight hours, stop. Be proud of the work you put in. Make dinner. Spend time with your wife. Watch a movie. Live. It'll save your sanity.

While you're searching, be sure to include universities in the DFW and Waco areas. I used to work for the University of Texas in Austin. Universities can be really good employers, and they hire just about every type of job out there, including graphic designers. The UT system has really good benefits, including retirement.

Also be sure to look outside your immediate areas of expertise. Most of the jobs I've had required wearing multiple hats. A friend of mine works at the Visitor's Center at McDonald Observatory out in West Texas. On paper he's the Education Coordinator. Among other things, he's been one of the voices for Stardate.